I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
