shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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