she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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