I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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