i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
