So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
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Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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