I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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