I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
