It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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