he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So squirting runs in the family.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
