Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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