I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
