Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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