I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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