Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
