Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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