I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
