I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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