Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He has the fingertips of a God
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