in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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