Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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