Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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