if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
