I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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