I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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