R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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