and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
