So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
