i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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