just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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