I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
