I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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