Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
