just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
