Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
