I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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