i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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