i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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