Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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