He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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