I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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