For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
PANTIES FOUND
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