eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
