I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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