I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
