Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
there was a trapeze. enough said
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
