Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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