So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
