it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
