so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
