The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
