This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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