oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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