I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
