i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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