Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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