I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
