Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
