and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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