He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
FUCK WHALES
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