my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
