All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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