Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize