Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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