hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
