ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
