Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
