There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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