She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
