she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
