I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
