i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
