I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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