I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
