i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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