I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
