my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
