They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
