just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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