His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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