i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
